On the subject of women in society.

Earlier in the week I received this photo in a tweet about the disappearance of Jill Meagher in Melbourne.
This morning I saw on the news that a man was charged with her rape and murder and her body was discovered dumped on a road side outside of Melbourne.

On its own, this story plays out as a sickening reminder of the darkness in society.

It certainly makes me feel sick.
What further darkens my mood is the side show that has been playing out in the media and social networks. 

Throughout the week the Victorian police called out for anyone with ANY information which might have been pertinent to come forward.
Comedian, columnist and FEMALE (probably the most important thing to know about her) Catherine Deveny was one such (among a very MANY I am sure) who called Crime Stoppers to inform them of a slim, sandy haired man who had attempted to assault her in the wee hours of a night/morning in July as she rode her bike home on the very street Meagher was last seen. Here are her words on the subject.

Was this man the same one seen on CCTV footage speaking to Meagher? I have no idea.

What I do know is that Deveny tweeted about what had happened to her, and that she had mentioned it to police in the hopes that it would prompt others to do likewise and help to lead to, what everyone hoped would be, the safe return of Jill Meagher to her family.
Instead Deveny experienced a brutal backlash from a disturbingly large portion of the social networking community implying (and outright stating) that not only was it her fault that Jill Meagher was abducted, raped, and killed, due to her lack of reporting; but also that it would have been better if it had been Deveny who had been the one it had happened to.

This disgusts me to the core.
Part of it may have to do with Deveny's strong opinions about a great many things (a pathetic excuse to hate on someone to any extent) and her public standing as a feminist, atheist, and humanitarian. I myself disagree with some of her opinions, but to wish death of any kind for any reason is a self pronounced indictment against the inability of many Australians (and people all around the world) to accept differences of opinion as diversity rather than reasons for hatred.

 In her column (which you should read) Deveny makes a very accurate observation.
"If women reported every drunk, creep, loony or fuckwit who hassled them the cops would have to multiply their numbers by a thousand and still be flat out. "
 I myself can remember, as I am sure most women can, many instances where I have been harrassed verbally and physically due to the mere fact that I am a female. Some were more serious than others and certainly should have been reported.

On one instance I was locked in a room with a boy who I knew,  who then physically restrained me and prevented me from leaving. I tried to climb out of the windows, and getting to the door but he was much stronger than me, and I was anxious not to keep trying to escape when every time I did just gave him the opportunity to touch me - which I otherwise fended off.
Eventually someone passed by and heard me shouting and let me out.
It was a man who let us out and he looked suspiciously at us as the room was dark, we were teenagers and I tore out of there like I was embarrassed. Which I was. Just not for the reasons he thought.
I immediately went to tell an adult about what had happened, a female adult, and her response was to laugh it off and do nothing.

As an adult I wish I could have avoided other more serious situations, or had confidence that I would have the support I would have needed had I come forward. I did not have that confidence, neither did I come forward.

Sadly, most girls growing up in today's society learn quite quickly that this kind of thing 'just happens' and learn just as quickly that we are often left on our own to deal with it.
This happens in a variety of ways. Girls training home from my school would buddy up so the sleazy conductor didn't trap them anywhere alone. Not going out at night alone, altering dress and behaviour. Lots of things.

I find nothing really wrong with any of this, not in theory anyway, people are entitled to seek whatever form of safety they can. What seriously gets to me is when tragic events like the murder of Jill Meagher point out to us all, that society indirectly continues to lay responsibility for the behaviour of predatory and sick men, at the feet of the women they attack.
Early in the investigation, photos from Meagher's facebook page were used by one particularly unaccountable 'journalist' to make the assumption that she was a "party girl" , but in today's media the character of the victim is as much relevant to the case as anything else. Relevant to what you ask? To ratings, and garnering public support because that great faceless beast called 'The Public' is as unaccountable as that journalist and believes exactly what it is told to in most cases.

A common phrase which hurts my heart is "If she didn't dress that way, she wouldn't have been raped."
While I have my own personal opinions and standards about dress I believe that it is the right of any individual to dress the way they want to. There are however laws which prevent people from acting the way they want to, if that includes the assault, rape, harm, or death of another person. So why do we blame a woman in a short skirt for getting assaulted more than a woman who was wearing trousers and no make up?

In another devastating incident this year a young man was king hit while walking through the suburb of Kings Cross in Sydney. He later died in hospital as a result of the horrific injuries he suffered as a result of the attack. He had done nothing but be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I have no desire to take anything away from this tragedy, but it is interesting to me that the response to this and other similar incidents was to increase security in the area, and assess the drinking laws of the local pubs. While staying at home was mentioned, there was a greater plan established to enable people (mostly young men) to go out, and enjoy an evening with friends without fear of being attacked while walking down the street.

Where is the equivalent strategy for the prevention of crimes against women?
Stay at home. Don't go out alone. Dress less provocatively.
All of these things return the focus to the woman and ignore the problem. The problem being that women aren't safe even in the middle of the day in a crowded room. That they are almost always in danger of being exposed to sex based crimes.

Things need to change. Deep rooted attitudes towards women in society need to change.
My husband wants only sons, he says that "With girls you have to worry about all the dicks, and with boys you only have to worry about one." This is an obvious generalisation, but with one son, and another on the way, I know that I will teaching my boys to be responsible with what they have and not give all the women out there cause to worry. I don't know how else to change society, but by changing individuals.

If you want us to report everything that happens to us, don't scoff or laugh. By the time someone is abducted, raped, or killed, it is too late. Listen now.
Then when it is serious you'll know about it. We aren't the boy who cried wolf you know... more like the girl who cried dog, and just for the record, there are a lot of dogs in this world, and yes I do mean men who are dogs. If there were less of them maybe we would be able to identify the wolves more easily.

This morning after hearing the news of Jill Meagher's body by the police I said to my husband "It makes me sad, women are so weak and so exposed."
He shook his head "Women aren't weak. Society just likes to make out like they are."
Shame on me. He's right of course. Women aren't weak, but they are exposed. Exposed to the perversions, and violence of men (not all of course). Exposed because society's attempts thus far to protect women have been to prevent them from interacting in a world that is corrupted, rather than changing the world.

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I realise I haven't written anything on this blog in a really long time. I have been busy being an artist, but there are just some things that really get under my skin and have to be talked about. This is one.